


What You Want and What You Need

by Alethia



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Character of Color, Canon Disabled Character, Canon Het Relationship, Cross-Posted on LiveJournal, Episode Related, F/M, Feelings, Jossed, Porn, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-18 05:00:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3556955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alethia/pseuds/Alethia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was an eight-hour walk from Camp Jaha to Mount Weather. The silence started to get to Raven at hour three. </p>
<p>Wick was never silent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What You Want and What You Need

**Author's Note:**

> Set immediately after episode 2.14 "Bodyguard of Lies." Also available on LJ [here](http://alethialia.livejournal.com/700850.html).

It was an eight-hour walk from Camp Jaha to Mount Weather. The silence started to get to Raven at hour three. 

Wick was never silent. 

She yearned for their familiar banter, trading acerbic barbs, mocking each other's skills, forever trying to out-wit the other. That was easy. That was comfortable. 

Instead here he was, giving her nothing, her mind inevitably turning to what just happened. It didn't help that her body was still buzzing, even hours and miles later. That was...she hadn't expected it. 

She hadn't really _thought_ about it. Sure, she _wanted_ , but she hadn't taken the time to consider what sex with Wick would actually be like. Hell, even if she had, it probably wouldn't have mattered. On some level she had expected something like Bellamy: impersonal, just bodies sharing pleasure. Sleeping with him had been fine for what it was even as it made her realize it wouldn't help. In some ways it was good to know that about herself. She hadn't gone to Wick out of anger, of course, but he was Wick—Mr. You-Gotta-Enjoy-Life—it shouldn't have been a deal.

In hindsight it all seemed so hopelessly naïve. 

_Wick ran a hand down her hip to her bum leg, considering, fingers trailing along naked skin until sensation abruptly cut off around mid-thigh. She really didn't need that reminder. And what, was he stalling?_

_"What the hell, Wick?"_

_"Kyle," he said, light, flashing a smile. They'd scrambled out of the rest of their clothes, tossed somewhere behind them and promptly forgotten. Wick braced himself above her, the heat of him everywhere, making it a little tough to think. The hard cock pressing against her thigh was pretty noticeable, though. Raven really couldn't fathom how they weren't having sex yet._

_"You have a naked woman literally asking for it. What's the hold-up?"_

_Sensation returned as his hand moved back up her thigh, then over, slipping between her legs as he slid two fingers inside her._

_Raven sucked in a breath, stifling the instinctive "yes," though she couldn't stop her body from shifting against his hand, well beyond ready for that and more._

_Wick leaned down and nipped at her bottom lip. "Optimization takes planning," he said, rough, moving his fingers inside her as he kissed her again._

_Raven's hips bucked as heat flared through her. She gripped his shoulders. "Come on," she growled, insistent. "You can't A_ / _B test your way through this one."_

_Wick pulled his fingers out of her as he obligingly shifted, lining himself up. "I challenge that assertion."_

_Raven's laugh got caught in her throat as he finally slid inside her, a reminder that god, it'd been too long. He filled her perfectly, seating himself in one long thrust only to go still and nip at her chin. Waiting for her to adjust, maybe._

_Fuck that. Raven simply dug her fingers into his shoulders and whispered "Move" against his mouth._

_He did, sliding out and then back in, little sparks of pleasure zipping through her. She didn't bother to muffle her moan._

_The next time, Wick suddenly grabbed the back of her left thigh, pressing her bum leg up, sending his thrust a little deeper, both of them letting out soft noises in response._

_"Have I made my point?" he asked against her mouth, like he couldn't not._

_"What, that you take direction well?" she asked, breathless, wrapping her good leg around him, trying to get more._

_"You keep telling yourself that."_

_Raven huffed a mocking laugh into his mouth, pulling him into a kiss that was all teeth and aggression, getting them back on track, away from this sentimentality._

_Away from the thought that she couldn't even remember the last time she'd laughed during sex._

Struggling up the next ridge, watching the way his shoulders remained tense under his pack, Raven finally cracked.

"Just say it: you're pissed at me."

"I'm not pissed at you," Wick shot back instantly, without any heat to it, like he was reciting the atomic weight of hydrogen, unassailable fact. 

"Right."

The way her tone called bullshit seemed to get to him. He turned at the top of the ridge, trees framing him and beyond that, an innocent blue sky. He met her eyes straight on, answering her softly, somehow worse: "Hey, if I were mad at you, I'd say so."

Raven took the last few steps to join him, trying not to show how the hike up the hill had gotten to her. 

"Then what's all this?" she asked, gesturing between them, to the silence heavy in the air.

Not that you could gesture to silence, but as always, he just seemed to know what she meant. He waved a hand, helpless. "You wanted me to stop talking."

"Kyle," she warned.

Wick finally sighed. He shook his head, like he was admitting something costly. "I'm pissed at myself, okay? I knew we shouldn't have and I did it anyway and now everything's messed up and I could have avoided it."

Raven could see the self-recrimination in his eyes. She had no doubt that what he said was the absolute truth. Not that he'd ever given her reason to doubt him, not really. 

And the thing was...if it were nothing, just sex, he wouldn't be kicking himself. But he was because it _mattered_ , more than just some pre-war quickie in the work room, more than a thing they did one time, something to laugh off over a drink, maybe. 

_That_ was the thing between them now, so much bigger than just sex. And...she knew that. She didn't expect him to say it, though. 

It'd be so much easier if he'd just get mad at her. Then she could get mad back and they'd know where they stood. Instead he was blaming himself—

And that really didn't sit well with her. 

_He'd_ tried to pull away, he'd wanted to slow things down, his instinct was to think things through. _She'd_ pushed. 

In that moment, all she could think of was him. All she'd wanted was him. And she'd just...taken. And he gave her what she wanted because he always did, even if it went against his better judgment...but was it what she'd needed?

Raven swallowed and looked away, starting back on the path toward Mount Weather, moving steadily forward. Always forward. 

"Right," he said to her non-response, like he hadn't expected anything else. He trailed after her, not saying anything more. She appreciated that. She needed to think. 

They walked like that for a while, until the silence stopped being awkward and just became something that was. 

Only then did she break it. 

"I need to stop asking you things I'm not sure I want to know," she said quietly, looking back at him once. 

Wick met her gaze. "Is that what you need?" he returned, just as soft. 

_Wick finally got serious, rocking into her with intent, elbows braced on either side of her, thumbs stroking her jaw, the soft skin of her temple. Raven got lost in the heat of it, the closeness, the feeling of full, the way he adjusted his position at every hitch in her breath until he figured out just how she ticked, just what would make her arch and pant and lose a little more of herself._

_Every time Raven closed her eyes he'd lean in for a kiss, nip at her mouth, something, bringing her attention back to him. Always him._

_Sex had never been quite like this. He seemed determined to watch as she fell apart underneath him, leaving no way to get swept up in the physical and forget who she was with. He wanted her to see him, to be present with him, to call his name..._

_And she did call him Kyle. She moaned it, wantonly, begging for more, helpless to stop once she'd started. By rights he should mock her for it, treat it like some victory—_

_He never did. Instead he focused on her, trading shaking kisses as he drove her out of her mind with bliss, eyes alight with far too much, something soft, dangerous lurking there._

_The part of Raven's brain not fogged over with pleasure really wished he'd hold something back._

"I'm sorry," she said as they paused at the top of the next hill. Three hours to go now and it needed to be said. 

Wick studied her for a moment, weighing something. It wasn't fair that he was so hard to read, not when she seemed wholly open to him. "Why are you sorry?"

"You tried to slow things down and I didn't listen. I should've thought about you."

Wick made a frustrated sound, low in his throat. "Please don't do that."

Raven frowned at him. "What?"

He waved a hand at her, like that meant something. "Don't try to fit yourself to me, Raven. I'm a big boy. I can manage my own feelings. If you just wanted a quickie before we all die—"

"I didn't," she said quickly because otherwise she might not. 

Wick watched her steadily. "I know."

"I wasn't there for just anyone—Lee or Sinclair or—"

"Raven, _I know_ ," he said, a kind of reassuring note to it. Then he shook his head. "Sinclair, really? Did you have to go there?"

But Raven wasn't about to let him laugh it off with a joke. 

"I'm not making this about you," she said, circling back. "I'm not. I'm saying maybe I should've considered you."

Frustration leaked into Wick's expression. "And I'm saying I don't want you to. I want you thinking about _you_."

And that just sent all her defenses up. "Pretty sure I was," she said, stiff.

"Really? Because I think you were trying not to. I think you were doing everything you could to avoid it."

_The orgasm burned through her, leaving her a panting, trembling, empty shell of herself. Wick remained braced above her, sucking in air, sweat slick between them. She thought he might be shaking, too, but couldn't tell with how they were still pressed together. She had zero memory of his orgasm, though she knew he must have come given the way he slid out of her, both of them groaning._

_Raven was so blissed out she didn't even protest when he moved away, then picked her up and carried her over to the cot. She just went with it, stretching out with him, settling against his chest, feeling his heartbeat against her back, starting to slow now. His left hand trailed down her arm, no discernible pattern, just touch. Even that small thing made her senses tingle, sending echoes of shivers through her._

_It'd been a long time since she'd felt like this, so long it almost felt like a fantasy, back on the Ark, that first blush of feeling when she had started up with Finn. But still, this was different. This felt...real._

_Wick turned his head, nuzzling closer, and suddenly it was too real._

_She could get lost in this._

_Abruptly, Raven sat up._

"What do you want me to say here, Wick?"

"Nothing you don't want to."

But Raven wasn't even listening, she just continued on. "You want me to talk about my feelings? Okay, fine. I'm scared. How about that? Is that what you want to hear?" Her voice trembled on the last part and Raven looked away. 

Then Wick was suddenly there, pulling her to him in a way that shouldn't make her feel better, but dammit, it did. 

"I know," he said, low, into her ear. "We're going off to blow shit up and everyone's counting on us to get it done. Of course you're scared."

Raven shoved him before he even finished speaking. "Oh, fuck you. That's not what I mean and you know it. Why are you letting me off the hook?"

Wick had stumbled back, watching her like she'd surprised him for once. "I don't want to be the thing that fucks up your equilibrium." He said it like the idea actually stung. 

"Yeah, well, it's too late for that. Besides if you're the thing that can mess me up, obviously my equilibrium needed fixing."

"Okay," he said slowly. "I have no idea what that means."

"It surprised me. I didn't think I'd feel so much," she admitted, finally acknowledging that, even to herself. 

Wick's eyes widened, like of all the places she could go, talking about the sex was the last he'd expected. 

"Okay," he said again, accepting that without comment. 

"You were ahead of me. You'd thought it through and I hadn't. But I should have. And I know, jumping you was my stupid fumbling attempt to get closer and keep you distant at the same time."

Raven shook her head at herself, looking off into the deep forest. "I freaked myself out and you were just trying to be honest and I'm really messed up, you should know," she continued, finally meeting his eyes on the last. 

"I don't think so," he said, moving close again, wrapping his arms around her. 

Raven let herself lean into him, the closeness only bringing back the memories of how good he felt. How safe. How she still wanted him.

She didn't call him on his ridiculous optimism. It was probably implied. 

"I don't want to ruin things," she said into his shoulder. 

"You didn't. You couldn't." Wick pulled back, framing her face with his hands. "I just want you to be happy."

Raven had no idea what that looked like, but Wick seemed to and wanted to give it to her besides. And maybe she was too messed up and it'd end in tragedy, like everything did, but the only way she knew the end for sure was if she didn't even try. 

"I want—I _need_ some time," she said, voice shaking.

Wick sucked in a breath as realization hit, but then he was nodding, pulling her close, whispering, "Anything. Anything for you," in her ear and Raven had to squeeze her eyes shut against the sudden sting. 

For a few long moments she breathed him in, relaxed in his hold, but then she finally pulled away, a shock to realize how much she didn't want to. 

"Come on. We have to get to the dam," she said, trying to hide her reluctance. 

Wick let her go, brushing the back of his hand against her cheek before nodding and stepping away. He might do that now. She didn't hate the idea. 

They started off again, side-by-side, heading for yet another rolling hill. 

"It's a wartime moratorium, you know," she said after a moment, trying to lighten things, shooting him a small smile.

Wick smirked, like he already knew what she was thinking, but he still played innocent. "What's that?"

"You can't rub it in that you were ahead of me until _after_ the war." 

"And here I was gonna wait at least a month." 

Raven laughed, then punched him in the shoulder. "Don't stifle yourself on my account." 

He caught her hand and brought it to his lips, something like hope dancing in his eyes. "Whatever you want."

***

Fin. Feedback is adored.


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